Response to love letter

Response to love letter
“Dear Ivan, I would like to tell everyone that there is nothing beautiful about being Sofia and that is because I stopped being able to caress you. I left another woman the chance to wake up next to you, to make you breakfast, to kiss you on one of those gray days that never seem to end. It still hurts me to think that you run to her after work, that you squeeze her tightly before opening the door so as not to waste even half a second together and if I see you, if I meet you in the usual places, my heart freezes, I immediately think how I have to behave, how I have to stay composed and pretend that I don’t care. I don’t love you anymore, but I still tremble when I know where you are, I still hope to cross your gaze somewhere, maybe after being with her, after making love. I still hope that looking at me you can think that it was better with me.
I’d like to tell you that I’m happy, that when they tell me about your new story, I smile, but I can’t, this is the adventure we didn’t allow ourselves out of fear, and I cursed our lack of courage every day, I thought about all the struggles that we could avoid, to all the whims never spared, to that jealousy that took our breath away, and to that flame that never stopped burning inside us. I still remember the screams and the messages saying “don’t look for me again” at least a thousand times, hoping we would never be taken literally, we were so terrified of getting lost that we made it happen. In all this time I haven’t been able to replace you, when other arms held me I only thought that they weren’t yours and how often I had to push you away while you now have another person to love, you will also use orange soap with her, one day it will end and you will forget that too, but every time we see each other, wherever we are and whoever we have by our side, I will still feel my heart leaving my chest and then running to come back away from us.